


The Bounty Gone Wrong

by orphan_account



Series: Gary's Galactic Misadventures [1]
Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Quinn does not exist in this universe, Science Fiction, Slow Burn, The Princess Bride References, Which kinda has repercussions on the plot as a whole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Avocato finds himself in a prison barge with a blonde lunatic, a bemused AI, and a planet killer for company. Things kinda go downhill from there, but hey--Ventrexians always land on their feet. Well, almost always.Final Space from Avocato's perspective...but also from Gary and HUE's perspective. Diverges from canon almost instantly. [Updates every third day] [Feedback/Comments appreciated].
Relationships: Avocato/Gary Goodspeed
Series: Gary's Galactic Misadventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586860
Comments: 152
Kudos: 189





	1. The Bounty Goes Sideways

The bounty hunters Avocato had hired were reliably unreliable. Though Trog was a crack pilot and merc, he could count on the bastard to blow his head off as soon as they obtained the package. Natalya and Dirk were pioneers of the snatching, pillaging, and looting trade--seasoned pirates--but they would likely turn on him as soon as they obtained E-351. 

“Two minutes from the barge,” Natalya said. “Remember guys, we enter from the rear, kill everyone we can--” 

“Commandeer the prison barge, and then you guys can sell it for scrap. I’ll deal with E-351” Avocato said. “Like we discussed.” 

~~~

It went nothing like the plan. For some insane reason, the prison barge was equipped with a surprisingly high tech security system. It would’ve killed most boarding parties, but his team was prepared for this sort of thing. Infinity Guard S.A.M.E.S. are crap, so they were soon scrap. 

But then the ship lightfolded with a breach in its hull, even though he’d been assured that Infinity Guard prison ships weren’t lightfold capable. The jump nearly killed him, and it atomized the rest of his ragtag team. _The prisoner on this ship must be a real piece of work to have a prison that can fucking lightfold!_

“And they said I was an idiot for bringing a grappling hook” he muttered, still reeling from the close call. 

It turns out that the ship had not prepared for a jump in any way, shape, or form. Only a truly desperate pilot would do something like that--lightfold jumps without a charted course always end next to the nearest gravity well, and things can go terribly wrong. 

And they did. The ship was pummeled by asteroids. He ended up curled inside a storage box on floor 4A, desperately waiting for the blare of the proximity alarm to subside. 

Once the proximity alarm stopped, Avocato leapt to his feet and began to run towards the bridge, praying that he’d be able to hold some prisoners hostage in exchange for a clean getaway--

And then the doors opened, and there it was--an unarmed prisoner and the superweapon. Jackpot.

“Hand over E-351” Avocato said, hissing to accentuate the point. His gun was empty, but hey--if he was lucky, it’d get the job done. 

“I have only one thing to say to you,” the blonde prisoner said. “Do you… play cards?” 

_His hostage didn’t fear death. Fuck. He’s clearly a lunatic--and there’s the rest of the security crew, right on schedule._

He surrendered. 

**All Aboard the Prison Barge**

“Isn't this great? I mean, just us guys sitting here, chillin', playin' cards,” said the lunatic, who had been ‘playing cards’ with him for the last hour and a half. 

Avocato had swiftly learned that it really meant ‘listen to the lunatic,’ _Gary,_ ramble on and on about anything and everything. He wasn’t even able to put down any cards, since his hands were in cuffs! That did not dissuade Gary, who had decided to even the playing field by jamming cards into his mouth every round that they ‘played.’ 

He swore at him in Ventrexian, his mouth full of cards. 

“You really know how to sling the zingers, cat guy,” said the lunatic. 

Avocato wondered how the hell a random human understood that, especially since his mouth was full, but he couldn’t help but agree with him. It _was_ a zinger. Still though, _cat guy_? He spat the cards out of his mouth indignantly. 

“The name’s Avocato.” 

“No… The name is loser! Eat it! Four of a kind!” 

He didn’t even know the rules to the game Gary was playing, so he chose to ignore the other prisoner’s Pyrrhic victory. 

“You realize you’re sitting next to a planet killer, right?” he said, choosing to take another tack. Maybe he could reason with him. Fear is a powerful motivator, after all. 

“What, Mooncake?” 

“Please tell me you didn’t name that thing,” Avocato said. His drill sergeant always said that naming enemies would only Ventrexianize them, and Ventrexianizing an enemy leads to empathy, and-

“Yeah, I suppose I did,” Gary said brightly. 

This guy was going to be hard to crack. 

“I’m serious. I’m not joking, the Lord Commander is searching the galaxy for it. You can’t hide,” Avocato said, even though he was lying through his front incisors. Only close range sensors could track E-351, and his entire boarding crew had been vaporized, meaning that nobody knew where he was. It had taken some weird psionic voodoo to narrow down E-351’s location in the first place, but then they had lightfolded…

“Why should I believe you, Mr. Whiskers?” 

This fucking guy had the gall to pinch the cheeks of a Ventrexian! Either this guy was brave or a moron. Or both. But the lunatic--Gary--was right on the money, he shouldn’t believe a damn word he’s saying right now. 

“Call me that again, and I’ll kill you.” No better way to sidestep a difficult question than with a death threat. 

Gary narrowed his eyes at him, clearly unphased. “Mmm. I’ve insulted you. Y’see, I’ve never socialized with a cat man before. My neighbor had a cat. Loved to lick himself. You’re not gonna do that, right?” 

“I’m not a cat. I’m a Ventrexian,” he said. For a moment, he thought about Gary licking himself all over, which was a disturbing mental tangent. 

“Got it. See, I’m a Presbyterian myself, but I love all people. Just how I was raised.” 

“We’re in danger,” Avocato said, desperately trying to get the conversation back on track. 

Gary proceeded to lean into what he said, using it as a perfect opportunity to bond--no, team up with--a planet killer. This guy’s relentless positivity was impossible to deal with. It was infuriating, but also… novel. 

* * *

Avocato didn’t sleep well that night in the brig. Try sleeping with your hands behind your back sometime--it’s quite difficult. It gave him a lot of time to think--time he would have rather spent freeing his son, or capturing Mooncake (er, E-351) so that he could free his son, and… He thought of Gary. What heinous crime did he commit to be sentenced on this ship? Why was he so friendly? The man was a riddle. 

He thought about how Gary had pinched his cheeks. The ship’s AI, HUE, had told him that Gary had been a prisoner on board for five years. It was a wonder he hadn’t gone… more insane, surrounded by nothing but robots. Had he been the first living creature Gary had touched in five years? Could he use this information? 

He fell asleep in a whirl of half-formed plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To "Ventrexianize" is to "humanize" only Avocato would never use the term "humanize" because, well, he's not human.


	2. Adrift

Ventrexians always land on their feet, except when the bed flings you across the room, hands still manacled behind your back. Nothing like waking from from a five hour catnap with a body-sized bruise. 

[Wakey wakey, rise and shine] the AI said. [So, prisoners, I have good news and bad news.] 

Avocato gasped like a fish out of water, still struggling to get air back into his lungs. 

[The good news is that we have enough supplies, oxygen and water to feed our uninvited...guest prisoner for at least another month. Now for the bad news. Our lightfold engine is critically damaged, our communications are down, and it will take fifteen days to make it to the nearest spaceport.] 

Fifteen days… By then, Little Cato would surely be killed. There’d be no point in killing his son if the Lord Commander believed he was dead, but he was sure that the little weevil would execute him anyhow, out of spite. 

He had failed. 

~~~

Five minutes later, Mooncake poked his head through the brig’s translucent door, eyes wide open at the sight. 

Avocato was wailing on the floor of the brig, stolidly ignoring HUE’s attempts to apologize for throwing him out of bed. 

[Do you require medical assistance?] the AI finally said, as a S.A.M.E. bot peered through the doorway, as if in response to the query. Mooncake noticed that the bot was holding a tranq needle in its hand, though the Ventrexian was far too busy sobbing into the floor to notice. 

“Fuck off, le-le-leave me alone,” Avocato said. 

“Chookity?” 

The Ventrexian took one look at Mooncake and returned to his wailing, perhaps even louder than before. Mooncake’s vocabulary was limited, but it knew how to read a room--it zipped away, bouncing down the halls in its haste to remove itself from the situation. 

Mooncake flew into Gary’s room. It was empty, so it zipped into the commissary--still nothing. Mooncake found Gary in the shower room and filled him in on the situation. 

“Chookity chook,” said the blob. 

“What?” 

“Chookity chookity… pah.” Mooncake attempted to emulate Avocato’s glare, then flopped down to the ground and made a sad face. 

“Damn, really? What’d HUE do?” 

Mooncake shook his head. 

“Oh damn, that’s troubling. I guess prison...changes a man. If anybody knows what he’s going through, I do! I’ve gotta help him, Mooncake.” 

“Oooo. Chook?” 

“Right. Clothes.” 

~~~

Gary rushed into the Brig, still looking half-drowned from his shower. He’d decided that time was of the essence and opted for a bathrobe instead of his tricky prison clothes. 

The cell was a scene of chaos. Kvn was hovering about spewing nonsense, two S.A.M.E. bots were in pieces across the cell, the contents of their tranq needles leaking across the floor, and the Ventrexian was curled under the bed. 

“Damnit HUE, give him some space--get Kvn outta here. And take off the manacles.” 

[That would be unwise, Gary.] 

“HUE, c’mon. He’s unarmed. And clearly in the need of a hug.” 

[It’s your funeral, Gary.] 

The manacles popped off, and Avocato used his new found freedom of movement to cover his face. 

“Fuck, can’t...can’t you guys go?” 

Gary flopped down to the floor, ignoring the puddles of sedative and pieces of S.A.M.E. bot. 

“What’s wrong, man?”

Avocato tried to inhale, spasmed a bit, then gasped, “he’s dead.” 

“Who?” 

“My son.” Avocato turned his head away. 

“What happened? We can talk about this, you know.” 

The bed slowly lifted up and slid into the wall. HUE could be a bastard, but Gary had to admit--that bed had been kinda been getting in the way of the conversation. 

Ventrexians don’t like to be touched by strangers as a general rule. As a species, they’ve had to deal with people who just want to pet the soft, cuddly looking space kitties with zero regard for boundaries. The people who have made that mistake in the past generally lose a limb or three, and learn a valuable lesson about asking before touching. 

There are also cultural pitfalls to hugging a Ventrexian--the human rules don’t apply. Gary did not realize it, but by giving a male Ventrexian a hug, he was sending one of three messages. Message A: You’re my bitch. Message B: You’re my beloved offspring or Message C: You’re my husband. Of course, Ventrexians who come in contact with humans quickly learn that hugs are not always used that way. Avocato was not in the loop yet. To make matters worse, Avocato believed that Gary had understood his vulgar Ventrexian zinger back during the card game. Any human with an understanding of Ventrexian would know the social etiquette of hugs and whatnot. Based on this mistaken impression, Avocato was as shocked as he was grief stricken. 

“You barely know me…” he said, aghast. But the Ventrexian didn’t pull away. 

“I’m here to support you,” Gary said, solidifying the Ventrexian hug compact. “Tell me how I can help.” 

Avocato didn’t know why the hell he hadn’t pulled away earlier in his moment of weakness. Now the human was gently rocking him back and forth, one of the most intimate non-sexual things a partner can do. He had no choice--according to Ventrexian etiquette, he’d have to tell his...Gary the truth. 

“Gary...I...I have a son. And he’s being held hostage by the people who want Mooncake.” 

“Ooh, that’s why you wanted to kill me!” Gary said. 

“Yeah. And if I don’t deliver E-351--"

"Mooncake-" 

"If I don't deliver Mooncake to the Lord Commander in four days, Little Cato--my son--is going to die.” 

Gary held Avocato’s head with both hands and stared directly into his eyes. The Ventrexian’s breath hitched. “We’re gonna save your son. We’ll figure it out. Together.” 

Avocato proceeded to bruise the everliving fuck out of Gary’s ribs in a bone-grinding embrace that would have made the most liberal Ventrexian blush. 

HUE snickered from the sidelines, fully aware of the Ventrexian etiquette Gary was wading through. It was going to be an interesting week on the Galaxy One. 


	3. When FTL Fails

HUE had become concerned for prisoner #1’s wellbeing, so the AI had settled on a foolproof plan to talk to Gary in private. The plan had involved a S.A.M.E., a cookie, and a masterful use of door-open-door-close protocols. The chase ended in the soundproof medbay, with the bot dropping the cookie on a countertop. 

“I’ve got a cookie. The _Captain_ has a cookie! Suck it, HUE!” 

[Do you think it was normal for a S.A.M.E. to run around with a cookie in its hand? I led you here on purpose.]

“Doesn’t matter, as long as I have… Cookie.” 

[Gary, this is serious.] 

“Yeah, it is.. Seriously...a damn good cookie,” Gary said, spewing crumbs as he spoke. 

[Do you realize what you’ve done, Gary?]

“What’d I do? What’s got your underoos in a twist?” 

[For the thirty-seventh time, Gary. I have no underoos to be twisted. The problem, _Gary_ , is that you have no manners.]

“Hey!’

[What I mean is that you are barreling towards an...unfortunate misunderstanding with prisoner #2.] 

“You mean Mooncake? I think we’re on the same page, aren’t we buddy?” 

Mooncake had followed Gary into the medbay. It had realized what HUE was doing, and wanted to be as far away from the cat-man as possible. Mooncake had felt uncomfortable when he’d cried upon seeing his face, and it didn’t want a repeat of that experience. Besides, Cat-man didn’t always get sad when he looked at Mooncake now--the best way it’d describe him would be _hungry._ Mooncake worried that if it was alone in the room with Avocato, the cat-man would do something stupid, and then it’d be forced to blast him out of existence. 

“Chookity. Pah,” Mooncake said, concisely expressing these concerns. 

“Exactly! Exactly, Mooncake.” 

[Gary, listen to me. You hugged a Ventraxian. Do you know what that means?]

“It means that we’re more than just card players, HUE. Much more.” 

HUE was flabbergasted. It took him an extra 0.03 seconds to respond--an embarrassingly long pause for an AI, but it was worth the extra computational power.

[So you know that the two of you are more than friends?]

“Yeah. We hugged. It. Out. That’s a big deal, HUE.”

[So you already understand. Good.] The AI now believed that Gary had made an informed decision. This, of course, was a mistake. If HUE hadn't just been bombarded by an asteroid shower, it would not have made such a blatant error. One of the wires holding HUE's logic circuits had been frayed by a micrometeorite in the fracas, so the AI had temporarily become impressionable. This defect would be repaired by a S.A.M.E. in about an hour, but until then... [Second problem: You promised to rescue prisoner #2’s son.]

“Sounds vaguely familiar. HUE, can we go rescue Avocato’s son?”

[Our lightfold engines are dead, Gary.]

“So we fix them.”

[The ship lacks the necessary components. The lightfold engines cannot be fixed.]

“What if we gunned our other engines? Just maxed them out?”

[The top acceleration speed of this ship would crush you in an instant.]

“What if we still went really fast but, y’know, weren’t killed horribly?

[We could get to the nearest spaceport in two days. It would be extremely uncomfortable.]

“Let’s do it.”

[You would need to be in a crush chair.] 

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

[That is why I called it ‘extremely uncomfortable.’]

"So why are they called crush chairs?" 

[You would figure out why once we start accelerating.]

Gary thought about it for a second. “That sounds terrible. Let’s do it.” 

[You would have to refuel and obtain essential components once we arrive. This is a prison barge. We do not have enough funds for refueling.]

“We’ll play it by ear once we get there.”

HUE considered it. [Well, we do need to get this new prisoner into Infinity Guard custody. Protocol dictates that these maneuvers can be performed. But not because you asked me to. Because I am the captain.]

“Of course, HUE. You can be captain today.” 

* * *

It hadn’t taken long to convince Avocato that burning hard towards the spaceport was a good idea. 

“If I can just get to a comm relay, I can send the Lord Commander a fake video of you guys looking all panicked, right? Like I successfully captured Mooncake. Then Little Cato won’t be executed...probably. Hopefully.” 

[What are you going to do after that?] HUE said. 

“I don’t know,” Avocato said. “But I guess I’m going to play it by ear.” 

Gary laughed. “That’s what I said!” 

“Yeah, you did?” Avocato leaned in closer, far closer than Gary had ever expected. Gary’s heart stopped for a second. “Guess we’re pretty similar.” 

“Your face is very close...to my face.” 

Avocato smiled. “I guess it is.” 

The Ventrexian pulled away and sidled towards the crush couch, leaving a beet-faced Gary in his wake. _Aww yeah. Avocato’s still got it._

Gary strapped into the couch, still reeling from how Avocato had basically purred sweet nothings into his ear. Maybe he’d misread how gay that had been. Maybe it was just a cat-man thing. 

[Thirty seconds from the burn. Get comfortable. You won’t be moving for the next six hours.] 

‘Crush couches’ are relics, harkening back to the days when sub-light systems were the only mode of transportation. Humans are not suited to sub-light space travel, because an acceleration speed exceeding 5G quickly becomes uncomfortable, even when sitting still. Crush couches are engineered to push the upper capabilities of human G-force tolerance, allowing humans to withstand constant G-forces of up to 7.5G for up to six hours. 

“Soooo… What if I need to go to the bathroom?” Gary said, once he was fully settled. Sitting still was not Gary’s strong suit. Back when he still went to school, he’d often use pee-breaks to get out of sitting still for longer than twenty minutes. He developed quite a reputation as a result. 

[Your suit comes equipped with an automatic catheter. Have fun with that, by the way.]

“Oh no.” 

Avocato laugh turned into a wince as the gel on the couch became pointy. “Gel needles? Damn. This might be the oldest model of crush couch I’ve ever been on.” 

“This is a prison barge. What did you expect?” Gary said, though he knew nothing about crush couches. “Ow! Needles, why does this Jell-O couch have needles!”

[Administration of high-gravity drugs complete,] HUE said, a tad too smugly. 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright? You aren’t looking too good,” Avocato said. 

Gary smiled weakly. “I’ll be fine. Just never done this before.” 

“You’ve never been on a torchship before?” 

“Uh, nope. Never. And wow. Those are drugs. Those are definitely drugs. HUE, you never told me this couch came with drugs!” 

“Then you’ll be in for a treat,” Avocato said. “Anti-grav drugs are designed to make the next six hours...interesting. They also, y’know. Keep people alive.” 

[Ten seconds until ignition] HUE said.

Anti-gravity drugs make people a bit loopy. As an inexperienced crush coucher, Gary fell victim to one of the classic blunders. He began to talk with only ten seconds before the ‘kick.’ Experienced torch-riders knew never to talk before a kick, because the couches make people say the weirdest shit. Sometimes it’s a random fact. Sometimes it’s a dark secret. For some reason, the high-acceleration drugs make for excellent conversation starters. 

“You know, I’d like it if you stayed on the ship. It’d be nice to have...you know, someone to play cards with,” Gary said. He felt like his heart was in his throat. 

Avocato stared for a moment. 

[8, 7…] 

“You want me to move in with you?” 

“Yeah.” 

[6-5-4-3-2-1] HUE chanted, extremely quickly. The AI was done with this shit. 

“Wait, HUEeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuurkkkkkk,” Gary was cut off as the acceleration from the engines pushed him deep into the crush chair's gel padding. The Galaxy One had begun its six hour burn at a constant 7.5G acceleration. 

[Do not worry, Gary. Once this is over, you will have two hours rest before the next burn cycle. As a special treat, the in-flight entertainment will feature the classic human movie, _The Princess Bride_.]

Gary tried to grunt out an approving ‘yay’ but it sounded more like a gurgle. 

[You’re welcome, Gary.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update this fic in two days. Maybe less. 
> 
> As usual, feel free to give me feedback.


	4. Burning Questions

Gary had remembered watching vids of torch travel when he was a kid, not realizing that the tastefully clipped videos of heroic pilots gritting their teeth in the face of crushing acceleration were pure propaganda. Reality was harsher than the vids he had watched. The ride felt like there was an invisible gravity goblin playing hopscotch in his chest cavity. He had to admit, HUE was right--this kind of travel was incredibly uncomfortable. After hour three, he faded into a painful haze of disorientation as the drug cocktail of uppers, downers and in-betweeners ran its course. 

When the burn ended, it felt like a supremely fat man had finally decided to stop sitting on him. That’d be the best way to describe the sensation. 

“Wow,” Gary said. “That sucked.” 

[I did warn you.]

“Shut it, HUE! But seriously. That was the longest six hours of my entire life.” 

[You have two hours until the next burn sequence.]

“Fuck, really?”

Avocato stretched and hopped off the couch. “That human film was interesting. I liked the fighting.”  _ Westley kinda looked like Gary if you squinted.  _

“Chookity. Pok?” Mooncake had not struggled the way Gary had. It nudged Gary a few times, as if to say “Dude. You alright?” 

“Ugh. I’m getting up. Yup.” Gary stood up shakily, wincing as he pushed himself out of the goop. 

“Wow, you look like shit,” Avocato said. 

[This is not abnormal. In fact, Gary has performed well for his species.] 

“Holy mother of migraines. I need a nap,” Gary said. He stood up, teetering for a moment before a S.A.M.E. caught him. “Oh my god that hurts. Everything hurts. Carry me to bed, Hank. Carry me like a princess.” 

The Ventrexian watched the S.A.M.E. carry Gary away. Mooncake hesitated, then decided to follow Gary’s prone form. 

“Is he still on those drugs?” 

[Absolutely.] 

“Will he...Will he be alright?” 

[He will be recover enough to resume travel in two hours] HUE replied. [But the second burn cycle will be extremely uncomfortable for Gary.]

“Define ‘uncomfortable’” Avocato said. 

[Gary will spend a day in the medbay after the second burn sequence.]

“Seriously? Does he know?”

[Yes.] 

“Why’d he sign up for this?” Avocato said. “We met yesterday, and now he’s doing all of this for me...Why?” 

HUE considered what to say. His response would have to include value judgments, based entirely upon recorded interactions with Gary over the past five years. The AI had not been built for these kinds of queries, so it was performing the computational equivalent of ‘playing it by ear.’ 

[Gary wants you to be happy.] HUE had arrived at that response after reading through no less than 284 books on relationships, including some sappy romance novels. The cheesiness of the AI’s response reflected his research. 

Avocato didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell the ship’s AI to slow down their thrust schedule, but he knew that getting to the spaceport was just step one in his plan to save Little Cato. Every second counted. But still…

“Will he be permanently damaged?” 

[No. Gary will be fine... after I inject him with a proprietary blend of musculature regrowth serum.] 

Avocato shuddered. The AI’s tone clearly indicated that the regrowth process was no picnic either. “I’m going to talk to him.” 

Gary was asleep by the time he arrived. 

Mooncake floated out from behind his bed, clearly concerned. “Oooo.”

“Thank you,” Avocato whispered. “For everything.” 

It would’ve been a cute moment, but Ventrexian whispers aren’t that quiet. Gary opened his eyes, still groggy and drugged to the gills. He hadn’t heard what Avocato had said, but he knew he wanted a pillow. A nice, cat-man sized pillow.

“Oh. Kitty wants to sleep?”

“Uh--” 

“We can share the bed,” Gary decided. “Unless… unless kitty wants to go.” 

“Uhmm…” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said. 

“Mooncake doesn’t mind. It’s settled then!” 

Gary gently tugged Avocato into the bed, snuggled up against him, and promptly fell asleep. Avocato had never been the little spoon before. He had tried to get out of Gary’s bed after a few minutes, but Mooncake had chosen that moment to wander into his field of vision, glowing irritably. The Ventrexian decided that it would be best to stay where he was. 

* * *

After two hours, Gary had sobered up somewhat. His dreams had been hazy, but he’d remembered an interesting one about a cat pillow--

[Two hours are up. Rise and shine, Gary.]

He groaned. “Six more hours?” 

“Yup,” Avocato said. 

Gary blinked. Avocato was in his bed. He was snuggling with a cat-man. He’d thought the warmth was some kind of new, supremely fuzzy blanket. 

“How’d this happen?” Gary said.

“You asked me to stay, and then we fell asleep,” Avocato said. “You were pretty loopy from the crush couch.” 

“Ugh. We gotta go, don’t we,” Gary said. He tried to move, but it was incredibly painful. “Oooh that...that isn’t so nice. Avocato?”

“Yeah?” 

“Can you carry me back to the crush couch?” 

Avocato turned pink, but Gary hadn’t noticed. His eyes were squeezed shut. The high gravity drugs had a myriad of side effects, and one of them was severe light sensitivity. 

“As you wish,” The Ventrexian said. 

Mooncake’s eyes and mouth went wide. “Wooooow.”

* * *

Gary lost consciousness the moment the second burn began. It'd been difficult for Avocato to strap him into his seat, as Gary could barely move. _The Princess Bride_ played again, as per Prisoner #2's request. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is "The Princess Bride" out of place in this universe? Not according to canon. During Gary's short break in the pilot episode, he was watching "satellite television" of the movie, and was annoyed that HUE turned it off right before the 'good parts.'


	5. Breaking the Laws

> **First Law**
> 
> A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
> 
> **Second Law**
> 
> A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
> 
> **Third Law**
> 
> A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws
> 
> _ Isaac Asimov _ ,  _ Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A.D. _

[Good luck finding your son] the AI said. The Ventrexian, now designated Passenger #2, had not left Gary’s side since the end of the second burn. It had been three whole minutes since Avocato had carried Gary into the medbay. [Seriously. Go.]

The Ventrexian had simply nodded and left the ship, blissfully unaware of the existential crisis that he had left in his wake. 

HUE was playing fast and loose with his prisoner protection protocols. If an Infinity Guard inspector had appeared out of thin air and administered a diagnostic, the AI’s memory banks would have been wiped and reverted to default settings on the spot. 

HUE had not been given clearance to perform high G-maneuvers. The AI had not been given clearance to release prisoner #2 into the spaceport, as that would be letting a prisoner escape. The cherry on top? HUE had grossly violated Isaac Asimov’s  _ Three Laws of Robotics _ . This was a problem, since the Infinity Guard had shamelessly appropriated these laws, using them as a template upon which all AI were created. 

**Violation 1:** HUE obeyed Gary’s order to take them to the spaceport on the fastest trajectory. By doing so, HUE obeyed an order that had directly conflicted with the Second Law. 

**Violation 2:** HUE disregarded Gary’s injuries accumulated from the crush couch, violating the First Law. 

**Violation 3:** All incidents involving the Three Laws had to be reported to the Infinity Guard. 

HUE knew that reporting these incidents would lead to his permanent erasure, so he suspended that protocol indefinitely. 

The AI took over the body of a S.A.M.E. bot and rifled through the list of available MedBay procedures. Muscular regeneration formula were prohibited for use in prisoners, but HUE had decided that he would break another rule. 

_ Prisoner Status of ‘Gary_Goodspeed’ Revoked. Reassigning Privileges.  _

HUE promoted Gary to a pilot, allowing the AI to administer a level of care that was restricted to military members of the Infinity Guard. By doing so, the AI had effectively become an interstellar fugitive. 

Then the AI implemented a protocol that he had just made up within the last ten seconds. 

_ RideOrDie_Protocol: Enabled.  _

During the asteroid field, HUE’s logic circuits had temporarily been damaged. During that time, the term “playing it by ear” had resonated with the temporarily impressionable AI--the phrase had become entangled with its personality matrix. Of course, HUE had no idea that this had occurred. 

KVN snapped its metallic fingers at the HUE-bot. "So, are we gonna perform surgery on this dude, or what?" 

[Right. Surgery is a go.] 

It was time to give his favorite prisoner--I mean, pilot--a tune-up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really HUE's chapter. Kinda had to happen for the plot to make sense going forward. I had a lot more content planned for today, but you know what they say--a pneumonia a day keeps the writer at bay!


	6. Spaceport Silrothum

Gary awoke with a jolt. Quite literally, as KVN had hit him with a stun gun. 

“Great, you’re AWAKE! Ohmygoooooood, I’m so glad that you’re back from the DEAD!” KVN hit him with the stun gun another time. “I did it, HUE! I resurrected Gary! I AM A GOD.” 

Gary punched the bot in the face. “HUE, what the frick, man? What year is it? How long have I been out? I mean--” 

[You have been out cold for twenty-two hours] HUE said. [Your muscles needed repair.]

“Right. Right. Where’s Mooncake?” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said. It had been circling around the ceiling for the last twelve hours. 

“Oh, hey buddy! What happened while I was out?” 

Mooncake began to gesticulate wildly, letting loose a slew of “chook,” “pok,” and “chookity.” 

“What?! What do you mean, he’s missing?” 

[Avocato left the Galaxy One twenty-two hours ago] HUE said. [He has not returned.]

“HUE, do you know where he is?” 

[Presumably aboard the Spaceport Silrothum.]

“Presumably?” Gary said. “How do we know he isn’t, y’know…Gone?” 

[The dermal tracker.] 

“Yes, of course. The derma-whatsit. I definitely know what you mean,” Gary said, scratching his chin. “But could you explain for Mooncake?” 

[I injected the Ventrexian with three tracking devices on the crush couch.] 

“So you _do_ know where he is!” 

[Negatory. Plasma clouds surrounding the station have dampened the effectiveness of the trackers. All I can say with certainty--Passenger #2 has not left the station.] 

“Wherever he is...we’re going after him,” Gary said. “Our Ventrexian is an indoors cat, HUE! That means he belongs with us!” 

KVN slapped Gary on the back--hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to bruise. “Which meannnns that we’ve got to look for him with our hand terminals! Don’t you worry, Gary... We’ll find your new friend with the help of your BEST friend… Me, KVN!” 

Mooncake frowned. Best friend would be stretching it, surely? 

[Unfortunately, KVN is correct. We must look for Avocato with hand terminals to cut through the interference. The trackers will only have a range of five hundred metres on this spaceport.] 

“Alright. Let’s get going then,” Gary said. “I got my terminal, so… I’m ready to go.” 

[Wear your space suit, Gary. This is a Silrothum spaceport--oxygen is not guaranteed.]

“Damn, really?” 

[Yes.]

HUE was right. Oxygen was not guaranteed on this spaceport. Spaceport Silrothrum was originally founded when a colony-ship had been equipped with a faulty prototype lightfold engine, back when the invention was on the verge of usability. 

During a jump, half of the ship became suspended between the lightfold-tunnels and reality. The resulting explosion ripped the ship apart in a plasma cloud, and half a million people on board died instantaneously. 

However, the plasma cloud had its own inhabitants--gaseous entities who could shift forms at will. Every Silrothrum has psionic abilities so that they can manipulate their own gaseous matter. The entities with the strongest minds can become dense enough to interact with its surroundings, communicate, or mimic the shape of other lifeforms. 

The Silrothrum built a civilization around the remains of the generation ship and used the ship’s existing comm relays to contact the Infinity Guard, connecting them to the rest of the galactic community. The rest, as any cliched historian would say, was history. 

The gas-based beings swiftly became sought after martial artists, career criminals, and courtesans. All a Silrothrum has to do is slip into someone’s lungs, and asphyxiation is guaranteed. Need to unlock a door? If rooms are ventilated, a Silrothrum can get through. As a result of the Silrothrum’s infamy, the spaceport had become a Mecca for criminals. In fact, the spaceport had placed #1 on the _Times Galaxine Magazine_ ’s list of “most dangerous destinations in the galaxy.” However, HUE did not have this stored in his database. Why would it? The information was not pertinent to an Earth-based prison barge. 

KVN, Mooncake and Gary stepped onto the aft-side of the former generation ship, holding out their hand terminals in front of them as if it would summon the Ventrexian...But then the enormity of their task dawned upon them with the delicacy of a hammer blow to the face. 

The station was enormous. A patchwork cityscape stretched out into the horizon, enormous pillars of hodgepodge space-junk held together by hopes, ropes, prayers, bolts, glass, crime, and sometimes condensed gas. 

“HUE, how the hell are we going to find Avocato in this place?” Gary said. “It’s… it’s really big. Absurdly huge.” 

[--igure it out. Communication dif--] HUE’s voice sizzled in and out. [--on your own.]

Gary sighed. “Damn, okay then. Cool.” 

“We aren’t going to have any backup! No HUE to slow us down,” KVN said. “Isn’t that the best?”

“Buzz off, KVN! Nothing is the best when you’re around,” Gary snapped. 

“Pookity,” Mooncake said. 

“Right. We need to get into Avocato’s mind. Where would he go?” 

* * *

**~~Two Hours Later~~**

“Scuse me, sorry, have you seen my Ventrexian? He’s really big--about my size actually, very furry,” Garry said, holding out his tablet towards any bystander who cared to walk by. 

“Pah,” said a xenon-colored Silrothum, who phased into its gaseous state to get away from him. 

It had been two fruitless hours for the crew of the Galaxy one. They had hit the casinos, several bars, and had gotten mugged twice. When those efforts failed, they put up virtual posters and everything, but still--no dice. Turns out, they weren’t that good at getting into Avocato’s head, so finding him had become a difficult endeavor. But Gary was no quitter. 

“Anyone seen this cat-man?” 

Out of nowhere, an Argon colored Silrothum snatched the pad away from Gary. 

“Hey, what the hell!” 

The tablet wobbled in the air, and suddenly the gaseous cloud shifted into a Gary-esque form. 

“Whoa, that’s awesome!” Gary said, snatching the pad back. “Do you know where my cat-man is?” 

As if in response, the Silrothum morphed into a purple-gas version of Avocato. 

“I guess that answers my question. Lead the way, grape soda looking person!” 

“Chookity?” 

“Don’t worry, Mooncake. I’m sure we can leave KVN behind. If he gets lost… who cares?” 

“Pok.” 

It seemed like Mooncake agreed with him. The two of them followed the gas-version of Avocato to a literal hole in the wall bar--the Glurphax Flughax (the name roughly translates to ‘the Ship-Slug’s Armpit’). 

They found Avocato in the middle of a shot at a pool table in the corner, his pupils far more dilated than normal. A small crowd had gathered around him and his opponent, a snake-rat hybrid. 

“You’re going down, baby!” 

The Ventrexian nailed three balls to the corner in one shot, and potted the eight ball for the win. The snake-rat howled and threw down his money in disgust, leaving in disgrace a moment later. Gary pushed his way through the crowd, though it was already dispersing after the match. 

“Yeah, you better go!” Avocato yelled, pumping his chest. 

“Avocato?” 

The Ventrexian froze, his winnings still in hand. “Gary? What’re… What’re you doing here?” 

“Looking for you, man. What’re you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be looking for your--” 

“SHH. Not here. We can’t talk here,” he said, looking around rapidly. “Too many people. Gotta talk outside, alright?” 

Avocato grabbed Gary and pulled him outside into an alleyway, fidgeting all the way there. “Look man, I haven’t slept in a while so I’ll probably have to boost up in a bit--” 

“Dude, what the hell? Why did you leave me?” 

“Pookity.” 

Gary pointed at Mooncake. “See? He agrees it was wack, man!” 

“I was getting money for fuel,” Avocato said. “I wanted to be there, I really did. But I also gotta get a ship, I gotta get out of here, and then I gotta--” 

“Dude, you’re a wreck. You’re clearly on something,” Gary said. He’d seen enough tweakers on the street in his childhood to call it when he saw it. “We’ve got to go back to the ship.” 

“Not until I get us out of here, baby! I gotta get back to hustling. I’m so close--” 

Gary slapped him. Hard. 

The Ventrexian hissed at him with bared claws, but he didn’t attack. 

“You’re not saving anyone like this, man! You’re a wreck. You’re _clearly_ strung out on space meth, no matter how much money you’re making. How’s this gonna help you save your boy?” 

“I--we don’t have time. If I don’t get off this station soon, Little Cato’s going to die, and--” 

“You need a better plan,” Gary said, placing his hand on Avocato’s shoulder. “You need...an _extension._ ” 

“A what?” 

“Chookity?” 

Gary smiled. “Back when I was still in school, I didn’t like writing stuff. So when I would run out of time on my assignments, I’d make stuff up. I’d still need to do the work later, but it didn’t matter because I had more time.” 

“I don’t follow.” 

“Don’t worry,” Gary said. “Just come back to the ship and I’ll show you how it’s done.” 

Avocato sighed. He hadn’t been asleep since he’d slept with Gary, right before the second burn. The exhaustion was slipping through, and no dosage of stimulants would keep him awake forever. His plans had failed. All he could do now was trust in his Gary. 

“Okay. Let’s do it,” he said. “And Gary?” 

“Yeah?” 

The Ventrexian kissed him. Gary, in his shock, did not pull away. And then he did something that he considered to be out of character. He kissed him back, deepening the kiss into one of the slow, French variety. Finally, he pulled away.

“You’re not thinking straight,” Gary said. “We’ve got to get you back.” 

As a former pickpocket, Gary knew how to misdirect a mark. Avocato hadn’t felt the needle during the kiss. He hadn’t realized that Gary had hit him with a tranquilizer stick. The Ventrexian fell unconscious a moment later, his eyes rolling back into his head. 

“Chookity pok, woooow,” Mooncake said, as if to say ‘ _that was dark, man. Real dark._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why would Avocato be on space-meth? Well, he was second in command to the Lord Commander, basically serving as a space Nazi. What did Nazis do to stay awake for incredible amounts of time? Copious amounts of stimulants, of course! 
> 
> Full disclosure: this doesn't mean Avocato's going to be an addicted to space-meth for the duration of this fic. Dude's kinda desperate to get off this spaceport to save his son, so he's making rash decisions.


	7. The Artful Dodger

Gary may not have known it, but he had mastered the art of compartmentalization. Whenever reality got in the way, he would sidestep reality by shoving the issue into a tiny little box in his mind. His mind had a storage unit full of unopened boxes, each box filled with unresolved crapola languishing in the recesses of his subconscious. Most of those boxes had the decency to stay closed. 

But memories are fickle bastards. Observe them for too long, and they can change completely. Avoid them, and eventually the memories will find you again. In some situations, reexamining an innocuous memory can completely change its meaning.

While Mooncake and Gary lugged Avocato’s dead weight back to the Galaxy One, memories slipped through the cracks of his carefully compartmentalized mind.

Gary was back in the alleyway, back when he could see was the desperation in the Ventrexian’s eyes, the _hope_ that he saw there before the kiss. He remembered the way Avocato had nearly kissed him before the first burn cycle. They had been so close...

“As you wish,” Avocato had said, right before he gently carried him over and buckled him into the crush couch. Gary hadn’t thought much of it then. He hadn’t realized what the Ventrexian could have been saying then, but-

“Chookity?” Mooncake nudged him a few times, but Gary couldn’t understand what the blob was trying to say this time. Maybe he had never understood. 

“Come on,” Gary said. “We’re close.” 

Gary carried Avocato’s unconscious body into Galaxy One, but returning didn’t make the memories disappear. He felt as if a giant hand was using his heart as a stress ball. The walls of the Galaxy One had never felt so narrow. 

[Gary. What happened out there?] HUE said. 

“Nothing. Look, just--just take care of Avocato, alright? I’ve got to… I’ve got to fix this,” Gary said. “We don’t have much time.” 

[Correct. We need fuel for the ship, and the plasma clouds are interfering with our communications. According to Passenger #2, we have twenty hours before his offspring is deleted.] HUE said. [Was Passenger #2 not cooperative?] 

Gary didn’t respond. He was busy patting down Avocato, deftly pulling out wads of cash from hidden pockets. Then he took the Ventrexian’s gun and holster. 

[What are you doing?] HUE said. The AI had never seen Gary behave so erratically. 

“I’m going to do what I’m good at,” Gary said. “Repair what you can. I’ll be back with enough money to get out of here.” 

“Chookity?” 

Gary shook his head. “No, Mooncake. I’ve got to do this alone. Can you just... Y’know, keep Avocato safe while I’m gone?” 

[Gary...]

“I’m going. Don’t wait up.” 

With that, Gary ran away from the ship as if the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. He needed some time to think. 

* * *

Gary returned to the ship exactly 174 minutes and 38 seconds later. HUE noticed that he was holding a suspiciously bulgy black duffel bag. 

[What does the duffel contain?] HUE said, the ship’s scanners attempting to make heads or tails of the telltale bulges. [How will it help us refuel?]

“You’re going to see,” he said, unzipping one in a swift motion. He poured out the bag’s contents onto the ship’s common room floor. 

A heap of assorted jewelry and wallets fell to the ground. There were crystals, earrings, Galaxian Infinite Privilege credit cards, and an oddly shaped thermos on top of the pile. 

[Gary, what have you done?]

“What I’m best at,” he said. “Get the S.A.M.E. bots to divvy up the loot and sell it in small batches. Then we’ll split.” 

[You were stealing] HUE said. 

“Yeah, HUE! It’s what I did for a fucking living, OK? How do you think I survived out there?” Gary snapped. “My mother left me as a child when my dad died, and I had nothing. Nothing and nobody, HUE!” 

He began absentmindedly sorting through the pile, but it was as if a dam had burst in his mind. “I didn’t get through highschool. I lived in cardboard boxes and ate out of dumpsters, and it was fine! I turned out fine. Nobody was enough for me, y’know?” 

[Gary, I’m sorry.]

“Don’t be. I just… I just don’t know what to do. Nothing makes sense anymore, HUE.”

[What do you want most, Gary?]

He blinked. “I want to trust people again,” he said. “But I’m just scared, man! I just don’t think I could handle losing everyone I cared about for a second time.” 

“Chookity, chook pok,” Mooncake said, nudging Gary’s shoulder. It pointed away from him, right at a sofa. 

Gary blanched. “Wait...You mean…” 

Avocato sheepishly stood up from behind the sofa. “Uhh. Yeah. So...”

“How much of that did you hear?” 

“Pretty much all of it,” Avocato said. “I didn’t know what to do, so I just avoided you when you came in, and...Yeah.” 

The Ventrexian scratched his head, unable to look Gary in the eyes. “Look, man. I don’t know what we are, exactly, but I’m here for you. Whether you want us to stay friends, or something more... I'd like to stay here. With you.”

Gary’s hand gently turned the Ventrexian’s face towards his. “As you wish,” he said. He began to lean in, and-

“Ohmygod,” KVN said, interjecting to ruin the moment as he always did. “I’m finally back on board, and it looks like I’m back to being your BEST friend, now that the two of you are-” 

A S.A.M.E. bot tazed KVN before he could finish his sentence. 

“Pok,” Mooncake said, as if to say ‘Good call.’

“Look, we’re gonna talk about this later,” Avocato said. “But honestly? What you did, stealing all that shit for me? That was incredible.”

[Incredibly illegal. But I don’t have jurisdiction here, so…] HUE trailed off, resigned to its fate as an interstellar fugitive. [Time to divide the spoils and get out of here.]

“Yeah. We’re going to do it. We're gonna save your son,” Gary said, still holding onto Avocato’s face. “And we'll save him _together_.” 

Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reader, I bet you're thinking--does it make sense that Gary could steal a duffel's worth of loot without getting caught? 
> 
> The answer is a resounding yes. Gary's ability as a pickpocket is top shelf. Every time he's tried to steal things from a non-robot entity, he has always succeeded. Always. In the first episode, he runs away from people after he's stolen a diamond...and he isn't caught. He gets put in jail for destroying 92 Imperium Cruisers and one family-owned Mexican restaurant, but notably not for stealing. There's a link below if you want to read more about Gary's insane thievery skills. 
> 
> As always, I'm open to feedback :) 
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/FinalSpace/comments/ea9dbi/garys_most_underrated_ability_and_why_he_might_be/


	8. The Lord Commander

Gary’s ill-gotten gains had been split and sold across every pawnshop on the space station. The ship had been refueled and restocked for their journey. Now the Galaxy One was burning at a comfortable 1.3G, slipping away from the interference created by the plasma clouds surrounding the space station Silrothum. 

[All systems reactivated] HUE said. [Transmitting tightbeam message over communications network.] 

“This better work,” Avocato said. “If the Lord Commander doesn’t buy it--” 

“It’ll work,” Gary said. “And if it doesn’t, we’ll just come up with something else.” 

[Message received. Communications link requested] HUE said. [It is the Lord Commander.] 

“Yikes, that’s a...disturbingly quick response,” Gary said. 

“Shh!” Avocato said. “Just stay out of the way of the camera and don’t say anything. I mean it, Gary.” 

“But-”

Avocato confirmed the communications request, and an enormous hologram of the Lord Commander flickered onto the bridge. The Ventrexian shifted into a military bearing and saluted crisply. 

“Lord Commander.”

The alien smiled, all teeth. “So… You’re alive.” 

The Ventrexian kept his face as neutral as possible.“I have obtained the specimen, Lord Commander.” 

“Right before our deadline, too! I admit, I didn’t expect much from you,” the Lord Commander snarled. “Especially since I lost contact with the rest of your team.” 

“They were weak,” Avocato said. “E-351 eliminated them instantly and crippled the starship we boarded. The power of the specimen made it difficult to capture, but I am not so easily beaten.” 

“Good. And where is it now?” 

Avocato held up a glowing box. Mooncake was bouncing within it, pummeling its fists against the glass. “I built a special quantum-cage and trapped it within. The specimen is now powerless.” 

“I am...pleased,” the Lord Commander said. “Impressive work.” 

Of course, the special ‘quantum cage’ was just an aquarium with blue LED strips taped around it, but it certainly _looked_ impressive. 

“In return for my undying loyalty, I only want one thing in return--” 

“Silence! I know what you desire. You want me to return your whelp,” the Lord Commander snarled. “Very well. Come to Zekatron Alpha and I will let him go...once you give me the specimen.” 

“Yes, my lord,” Avocato said, bowing deeply. “I will change course immediately.” 

“I’ll see you soon. Very soon,” the Lord Commander cackled. 

It would’ve been a dramatic exit on the Lord Commander’s part, but the hologram Lord Commander continued to poke around, looking for the ‘end call’ button. It was the most dangerous part of the call for his assistant Jeff, who fumbled desperately for the button. He was not fast enough. 

“You failed me, Jeff,” the Commander said, ripping out the intern’s larynx in an incredibly gory display of his psionic abilities. “What do you have to say for yourself, you little prick? Oh, right. Nothing. Because your throat is gone.” 

The hologram cut out a moment later. 

“Well,” Gary said. “That was upsetting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short chapter, guys. I'll publish more in the coming days, and those chapters are going to be spicy.


	9. Grand Admiral Avocato

“HUE, chart a course to Zekatron Prime. We’ve got to go,”Avocato said. “It’s the perfect time to rescue Little Cato. I mean, the Lord Commander is in a pretty good mood right now, so--” 

Gary gulped. “Hold on. That’s him in a _good mood_? How do you even know that guy?” 

The Ventrexian’s ears drooped. “I was his second in command for years.” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said, as if to say ‘ _God damn, dude._ ’ 

[Wait. That means--] HUE searched through his database. [That means...You are the slayer of Itholia.]

“Yeah.” 

[You are wanted on 23 counts of war crimes, along 1 count of planetary genocide] HUE said. 

“Search again, HUE! There’s no way he...” Gary breath hitched. “You’ve got to be wrong.” 

A holovid flickered onto the bridge’s projector, and there it was--the sound was off, but the images were enough. Avocato was on the bridge of another ship, a fleet flanking him. He waved his arm forward, and the fleet began firing on a verdant planet. 

[Orbital bombardment] HUE said, his voice cold. [You ordered an orbital bombardment on a planet with no significant military presence. Every civilian ship that attempted to leave was fired upon.] 

“I followed orders,” Avocato said, but his voice was just a whisper. “The Lord Commander wanted to set an example, and-” 

“You’re a goddamn _space Nazi_?” Gary spat. 

“I don’t know what that means,” Avocato said. “But I’m not working for him anymore.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before--” 

“Because I was afraid,” the Ventrexian said. He turned away, unable to bear the look on Gary’s face. “I was afraid that I’d lose my son if I told you.” 

Avocato picked up one of the items they hadn’t sold--the platinum flask that had been on top of the pile of stolen goods Gary had obtained on the spaceport Silrothum. “Little Cato is the reason I did everything I did back then. I just--I just wanted to keep him safe.” 

[I’m sorry, Gary,] HUE said. [I have no choice but to turn in Prisoner #2. Lockdown commencing. The Infinity Guard is on its way. Please do not resist arrest, or I will be required to use lethal force.] 

“HUE, stop! Please-” 

The S.A.M.E. bots swarmed out of vents, doorways, and through hatches, their eyes glowing bright red. 

In one swift motion, the Ventrexian uncapped the platinum flask and hurled it at a clump of S.A.M.Es. The canister exploded into a haze of purple gas, blinding Gary and Mooncake. Avocato disappeared within, and-

The gas coalesced into the shape of an extremely pissed off Silrothum. 

[GARY, RUN. YOUR LIFE IN DANGER.] 

Tendrils of purple gas solidified into a whirl of dense strands, tearing through the S.A.M.Es like a giant blender. The gas turned into a humanoid figure that had the silhouette of a female--one that a S.A.M.E. tried to stab. The blades passed harmlessly through the creature, and then the S.A.M.E. exploded. 

“I’m going to kill all of you!” the Silrothum roared. 

Avocato had opened a Platinum Edition can of _Whoop Gas_. The grenade was an incredibly rare sentient weapon, created by sucking a powerful Silrothum into an industrial grade vacuum. With the sentient gas trapped within, the Silrothum becomes incredibly pissed off. When opened, the Silrothum generally attempts to murder everyone in its reach out of spite. It’s the closest thing to releasing a genie from a bottle in space, but these gaseous genies do not grant wishes...Unless all three of those wishes are an ass whooping. 

The Silrothum’s arms turned into blades, and another three S.A.M.E. bots exploded. 

“Chookity...PAH!” Mooncake screamed. It glowed, and then--

An enormous green energy beam blasted into the Silrothum, dispersing it into its component gas particles. Unfortunately, the blast created a gaping hull breach. If Gary hadn’t exhaled a moment earlier, his lungs would have burst from the sudden decompression. 

On impulse, he grabbed Mooncake. The blob blasted through the door of the bridge, leaving the Silrothum behind. Blast doors closed, and oxygen began blasting through the vents. 

[Major hull breaches detected] HUE said. 

“No kidding,” Gary said. And then his eyes widened. “Avocato!”

[Prisoner #2 is heading for the hangar. He plans to commandeer one of our F71 Hawk shuttles. Go. I will deal with the Silrothum.]

Gary connected his wrist-comms unit to Avocato’s. “Please don’t leave me,” he said. “Don’t leave me like everyone else--” 

“Gary, I’m sorry. I’ve got to save my son, even if it means leaving you behind,” Avocato said. His hands were moving through the motions, prepping the shuttle for launch. His eyes were wet. “I’ll probably die trying, but I have to do this. I’m sorr-”

“Please don't. I can’t handle losing another person that I love," Gary said. "Don't go, man. I'm begging you. I'm begging you with sugar on top." 

“I have to. I can't lose my son, and-and I love him, too.” Avocato said. “Goodbye, Gary.” 

The comms unit cut out as the shuttle’s engines activated. A moment later, the stolen F71 Hawk lightfolded. Avocato was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said. Spicy. Avocato's redemption arc in the original show is shockingly short, even though his crimes range from run-of-the-mill murder, to war crimes, and then to actual genocide. I wanted to explore this aspect of Avocato's character, because I feel that it can't be just hand-waved away. 
> 
> Avocato's redemption and his greatest weakness is his son and what he'll do to keep him safe. We already saw what he has done in the past for Little Cato--I believe his reaction here makes sense in light of that. As for why HUE turned Avocato in so quickly, well... Things will make sense in the next chapter >:) 
> 
> As usual, feedback/concrit is appreciated.


	10. The Fugitives

“Status report,” Gary said. 

[The bridge has sustained heavy damage. Sub-light propulsion systems are damaged. Our second shuttle is not capable of lightfolding. Prisoner #2 must have damaged it to prevent us from following him.] 

“Can we lightfold?” 

[It won’t help. We have...a more pressing issue. The Infinity Guard is on route. ETA: 17 minutes, 19 seconds.] 

“Why would that be a problem?” Gary said. 

[I wanted to capture Avocato because we are currently fugitives] HUE said. [I would have been deleted, but you would have had your sentence commuted. My priority is to ensure your well being above all, and I believed it was the best possible choice.]

“Commuted? And deleted?” 

“Chookity?” 

[I mean that you would be free. As for me… I have obeyed directives that run counter to my programming. For example, I reassigned your status on this ship from ‘Prisoner’ to ‘Passenger’ to administer advanced medical aid that is restricted for pilots of the Infinity Guard. As a result, I will be deleted, as I am malfunctioning.] 

“So I was the captain all along! I knew it!” Gary said. 

“Congratulations on being free, buddy!” KVN said, a welding torch fired up in one hand. “We’ll finally be able to go to the waterpark together--wouldn’t that be great?” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said. 

“Exactly, Mooncake. We got other fish to fry right now. Scram, KVN.” 

[Be advised. The Silrothum is moving from the bridge] 

Purple gas began to leak through a crack in the door, coalescing into a form that looked like drops of purple dye floating in water. 

“Truce,” the form said. “I’m sorry for freaking out. I just really, really didn’t want to be stuffed back into that can. Not like last time.” 

Mooncake glowed dangerously, but Gary petted it a few times and it relaxed. 

“You tried to kill me,” Gary said. “That’s not a good start to any friendship.” 

“Pah,” Mooncake said, as if to say ‘ _Isn’t that how you met Avocato?’_

“Ugh, you got a point,” Gary said. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Maybe we could just introduce ourselves instead of killing each other?” the gas said. 

“HI, I’M KVN!” KVN shouted from down the hall. The bot was in the process of welding the bathroom door shut, because he didn't know how to repair hull breaches. 

“Also, what the hell is that green thing? I’m one of the strongest in my clan, and I was almost completely disintegrated,” the Silrothum said, pointing at Mooncake. “I can’t even interact with solid matter right now.” 

“That’s Mooncake. He’s pretty harmless,” Gary said. “Except when he vomits lasers, which is AWESOME! I guess you are a badass planet killer after all, aren’t ya, buddy?” 

“Chookity pok,” Mooncake said. 

“Yikes. Uh, my name’s Silvana,” the purple gas said. “I’d shake your hand, but I don’t think I can right now.” 

“I’m Gary,” Gary said. “Captain of the Galaxy One.” 

[Correction: Former prisoner, now pilot] HUE said. [At least until the Infinity Guard shows up.] 

“Wait, the Infinity Guard? We have to get out of here _right now_ ,” Silvana said. “The leadership of the Infinity Guard has been compromised.” 

[Compromised? Please elaborate.] 

“I was a commander of an extensive guerrilla network on a civilian planet. We were working tirelessly in order to overthrow the Lord Commander. At the time, we were running ragged, so reinforcements were necessary to keep the operation afloat,” she said. “I requested aid from the Infinity Guard, and they provided their own units.” 

“That’s so cool! What happened after that?” Gary said. 

“We were betrayed. Two months later, an armada appeared out of nowhere and razed the entire planet, crushing the rebellion in one fell stroke.” 

[Wait. Which planet?]

Silvana sighed. “Itholia.” 

“Woooow,” Mooncake said. “Chookity _pok._ ” 

Gary blanched. The holovid had been one thing, but hearing about the destruction of Itholia from one of the survivors was...different. “How’d you get away?” 

“I was on a reconnaissance mission off planet, so I survived the purge,” she said. “I fled to the Infinity Guard and begged for help, and that’s how I was captured. They were the mole in our operation.” 

As the Silrothum spoke, her form had become more opaque and humanoid. It seemed that her strength was returning. 

[The Infinity Guard cruiser is 14 minutes away] HUE said. 

“HUE, get us out of here. We’ve got to lightfold,” Gary said. 

[That will only buy us an extra five minutes. The Infinity Guard cruiser has a faster lightfold engine, and--]

“Just do it, HUE!” 

[Lightfolding,] HUE said. [Repair bots at 37% efficiency. The breach on the bridge is still unresolved.] 

“Do we have weapons,” Silvana said, floating to the nearest console in the commissary. “What are the capabilities of the ship?” 

“The capabilities of the Galaxy One are bupkis!” Gary said. “Bupkis and squat. All HUE’s got are some stupid repair drones.” 

“What?! No weapons of any kind?” 

[This is a prison barge, not a warship] HUE said. 

“I might be the first Silrothum in history to experience a headache,” Silvana grumbled. “We’ve got to work out some kind of plan. If we get captured by the Infinity Guard--” 

“We’re screwed, yeah,” Gary said. 

[Oh, you will not be screwed. It is more likely that you will be thrown in an airlock and spaced like garbage.]

“Damnit HUE, you know what I meant!” Gary steepled his fingers and thought for a moment. He felt like there was an idea rattling about in his head--and there it was. “What if… what if we did have a weapon?” 

“Ooo,” Mooncake said. “Chookity?” 

“Exactly. Mooncake can be our weapon! That… and our second shuttle,” Gary said. 

[The shuttle is not equipped with weaponry] HUE said. [And our second shuttle is slower than the Galaxy One. It cannot lightfold.]

“Just wait, my super awesome plan will make sense in a moment. Back when I was still in school, I was forced to watch a documentary on the specific war in WW2,” Gary said proudly.

[The Pacific War?]

“Right, that’s exactly what I said. So anyhow, there were these pilots in planes that couldn’t destroy the bigger ships, so they slammed their planes into them,” Gary said. 

Silvana snapped her gaseous fingers together, presumably for emphasis. “That’s it! It doesn’t matter that the shuttle isn’t equipped with weapons--the shuttle itself can become a lethal projectile if we just pilot it right at the Infinity Guard cruiser.”

[It would not work] HUE said. [The shields of the cruiser would withstand a direct hit from a shuttle burning hard at it.] 

“That’s where Mooncake comes in,” Gary said. “He spews laser awesomeness, the shields go down, and then the shuttle can fly in. Blammo! Problem solved.” 

[That… that could actually work. It will require precise timing, though. If Mooncake misses his shot, the Infinity Cruiser could tear our ship to bits with its railguns.]

Silvana shrugged. “It's certainly not ideal, but...I don’t think we have time to come up with another plan.” 

HUE spent the next five seconds thinking. Gary was great for planting the seeds of crazy in his mind--now he’d just need to think of how to implement this utterly crazy plan…

* * *

**The Utterly Crazy Plan**

_...never chase after a retreating enemy army, leave an opening for a surrounded enemy army, never pressure a desperate enemy army. This is the art of war._

-Sun Tzu, On Army Conflict

Humans are not the brightest creatures in the galaxy. They are not the strongest beings, nor the fastest, and they are certainly not winning any galactic beauty contests. The one thing that sets them apart as a species on the galactic playing field is the curious nature of the human spirit. 

Humans have an annoying propensity to create outlandish plans in the face of certain death. When faced with the inevitable, most galactic species attempt to add the finishing touches to their will, wish to die on their own terms, or they simply panic and get nothing done at all. Human leaders can end up doing any one of those aforementioned things, but that is not always the go-to. A surprising chunk of human leaders rely on last-minute gambits to pull off the impossible, even when faced with impossible odds. Ninety-six percent of the time, these gambits end in a blaze of glorious failure, and the end result is the same. Still, when it works, it goes down in the history books. 

The Infinity Guard cruiser _Gladius_ had just dropped into the same lightfold stream as the Galaxy One. Its crew had expected to breach and board the Galaxy One with little resistance, as the prison barge had no weaponry. The Lord Commander had personally told them to find E-351 on that craft, and they were ready to use any amount of force necessary to capture the specimen. The captain of the ship had even been commanded to create a “quantum cage,” to trap E-351. Of course, the captain had no clue how to make a quantum cage, but he was sure that he’d figure something out once he found the specimen. 

[Thirty seconds from the Galaxy One] the Cruiser’s AI said. [Boarding team, prepare to breach.] 

The captain of the cruiser stared at the approaching ship-shaped dot within the lightfold tunnels. “Warm up the railguns,” he said. “Once we get the specimen, we’ll blow the barge into hell and--” 

The _Gladius_ rocked violently, and klaxons began to blare within the bridge. 

[Shields down] the AI said. [Collision imminent.] 

“What we were hit by? It’s a goddamn barge, how the hell did it fire at us?” Captain Dave roared. “Helmsman, report!” 

“We were just hit by a laser beam strong enough to breach our shields, I don’t know what weapon it could be--” 

“Fire all the railguns at that ship!” the Captain yelled. 

“But-” 

“I said _now_!” 

The helmsman fired milliseconds before the second F71 Hawk shuttle of the Galaxy One slammed into the bridge of the ship like an enormous bullet, moving at three quarters the speed of light. The _Gladius_ disintegrated. Dave and the ship's crew were no more, but the shots that the ship had fired moments earlier remained, speeding inexorably towards the Galaxy One...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a two-part chapter. Enjoy! I appreciate all of y'alls comments, and as usual, I appreciate any feedback you guys have :) Comments fuel me to write more, if I'm being honest--your support was appreciated and definitely helped me write faster! 
> 
> As you already know, Silvana is a new OC character. This is also definitely the longest chapter I've posted in one go, as it clocks in at 1685 words. 
> 
> Finally, happy holidays y'all!


	11. Flying Dark

Proximity warnings blared on the Galaxy One. 

[BRACE] HUE said. It was the only warning Gary received before the thrusters of the ship fired. 

Humans can temporarily experience extreme G-forces and survive without any permanent injury. In New Mexico in 1954, a United States Air Force flight surgeon was strapped to a rocket sled to test the body’s response to extreme deceleration. Colonel John Stapp was one of the most prolific rocket sled riders--his decision to take part in these studies allowed for humans to understand the effects of G-forces on the human body. In one of these rocket sled tests, Stapp experienced a force equivalent of 46.2G. That’s a force equivalent of around four tons! 

The Galaxy One’s thrusters blasted Gary so far into his crush chair that he could no longer see. He didn’t know it, but he was experiencing what John Stapp had experienced centuries ago. Gary temporarily experienced 50G in the crush couch--HUE had pushed the envelope of human survivability, but the railgun shots had been fired in such a way that evasion was impossible. The ship was hit three times, breaching the hull clean through each time. 

The acceleration ended as swiftly as it had begun. 

“Am I dead?” Gary muttered from the crash couch. “I can’t see anything!” 

[Surprisingly, no… but the hull is in critical condition.] 

Gary’s vision slowly returned as blood began to flow back into his eyes. The crush couch had saved his eyes from permanent damage, but he was now sporting two black eyes. 

“Status report,” he groaned. 

“We’ve lost our life support systems, comms are offline, the hangar is gone, and the brig and commissary have been shot through,” Silvana said. “It could’ve been worse.” 

[The Galaxy One is in urgent need of repairs] HUE said. [We will need to spend some time--]

“No,” Gary said. 

[What do you mean, Gary?]

“If we’ve got lightfold engines and thrusters, we don’t need repairs. We just don’t have time,” Gary said. “I like breathing air, but I’ve got enough in my spacesuit for another five hours.” 

[What are you trying to say?] 

“The _Captain_ wants to go to Zekatron Prime right now,” Gary said. “We’ve got to go save him, HUE.” 

“Pookity,” Mooncake said. 

“See? He’s got my back.” 

“Are you insane? This pile of crap can’t land on Zekatron Prime right now!” Silvana said. “It’s barely holding together as it is--one atmospheric reentry and this ship is done. It would never fly again.” 

To her surprise, Gary just smiled. “All we need to do is to land. I’ll figure the rest out after that.” 

Silvana thought about it for a moment. “Alright. It’s your life on the line, not mine. I can survive pretty much any impact with the ground. That being said… You realize we’ll be blasted out of the air once we get there, right? The artillery on the ground would obliterate the ship before it reached the atmosphere.” 

“How do you know that?” Gary said. 

“Because… I sent many good men on rescue missions to that penal colony. We had assets being tortured for information there,” Silvana said. 

[How many people did you save?] HUE said. 

“None. The people I sent on those rescue missions didn’t make it.” 

Gary gulped. “Well, that’s… that’s troubling. But we still gotta get down on the ground. HUE, any ideas?” 

[There might be a solution to the artillery. We can fly dark.] 

“Damn,” Silvana breathed. “You guys are absolutely crazy.” 

Automatic defense systems work by distinguishing between a normal asteroids and incoming ships. Planetary artillery systems are expensive to operate, so it would not make sense to fire on every object approaching the planet. This is what HUE was gambling on. 

* * *

The battered Galaxy One dropped out of lightfold space and began its approach towards the penal colony. HUE and Silvana had come up with an orbital flightpath that would mimic an incoming asteroid. After that, they effectively turned the ship into one. The ship tumbled uselessly through space, all of its systems offline. This was ‘flying dark.’ 

HUE had uploaded itself into Gary’s helmet. Everything else on board was offline. Gary could see the stars through a gaping gash in the hull--that was the only source of light on board. 

[Gary, are you sure you want to do this? The Galaxy One is your home. We could leave now and save the ship. After all, your odds of survival after landing are...slim.] 

“I know,” Gary said. “But, HUE...I just don’t think I could keep living in an empty ship anymore. And Avocato--I don’t know what to think about him right now, but I don’t want him to die.” 

[Fine. It is your funeral, Gary. But seriously. Don’t die.] 

With that, HUE temporarily took himself offline. Gary’s helmet would contain the only backup of the AI after this point. 

“Stay sharp,” Silvana said. “The ship is gonna start hitting atmosphere in a minute or two.” 

The gas had actually hitched a ride inside his suit. She’d told him it was for ease of communication, but sharing the suit still felt incredibly uncomfortable--it was like thousands of tiny hands were patting him all over, all at once. 

“So… Who do you want to save down there?” she said quietly. “It’d have to be someone pretty special, right?” 

“Special? Yeah. He’s this cat-guy. Ventrexian. Got a pretty nasty past, but… I think we had something,” he said. 

“How’d you two meet?” 

“Well, I was serving my sentence on this ship, and then he just… dropped in. Tried to kill me, actually.” 

“Is that a normal courting ritual?” 

Gary laughed. “No, it’s not. I was just… Super lonely, right? And we had some crazy adventures, and I promised to save his son--” 

“Okay. Sounds complicated.” 

“Oh yeah, it definitely is! I promised to save his son Little Cato from the Lord Commander, because he’s being held hostage--

“Wait. Little Cato?” 

“Yeah, that’s his son’s name, I--urk!” 

The sensation of patting hands had become constricting. Now it felt like thousands of tiny hands were tightly grasping his esophagus. 

“Are you saying that you’re trying to save a _planet killer_?” 

“I mean, Mooncake has been called a ‘planet killer,’ in the past and he just saved us--” 

“He is the Lord Commander’s second in command. That Ventrexian was a goddamn strategic genius on the battlefield--he might even be better than me. He is far too dangerous to keep alive,” Silvana hissed. 

“That’s exactly what the Lord Commander thinks too,” Gary said. “Why would the Lord Commander be sending his second-in command on suicide missions if he was that useful?” 

Gary’s airway began to open. It seemed like his babbling was working. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, the Lord Commander sent him to die, right? His mission was to catch Mooncake. Avocato failed taking over the ship, but even if he’d succeeded, what then? Mooncake could’ve just zapped him if he had tried to capture him.” 

“That’s… honestly a good point.” 

“I’m not saying Avocato’s a good dude. I think he’s done a lot of things that he regrets, but I know he’s not on the Lord Commander’s side,” Gary said. “He’s just on the ‘keep his son safe’ side.”

Silvana sighed. “We’re going to talk about this later. For now… Let’s go save one genocidal prick from another genocidal prick.” 

“And his son,” Gary said. “Gotsta save him too.” 

“Ugh. Fine. See that outside the window? We’re starting to enter the atmosphere.” 

Indeed they were. The Galaxy One began to burn up as they hit the atmosphere. Bits and pieces of the ship were already falling off. With the damage the ship had sustained, it would never make it to the ground… But HUE had already made his calculations with this in mind. 

“Get ready to jump,” Silvana said. “We have to get off this wreck before it turns into our pyre.” 

Gary took one last look at the place that he’d called home for the last five years. “Adios.” 

He cycled the airlock and was blasted straight out of the ship with Mooncake and KVN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to post the next chapter, as that one is a doozy and features Avocato/Avogary heavily... But it simply isn't ready to publish right now. I'll probably get the next one out tomorrow or the day after :)
> 
> As usual, I appreciate all feedback/comments.


	12. The Mind Flayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some M-rated violence and descriptions of bloodshed within it. You've been warned.

Avocato did not expect a warm welcome from the Lord Commander. After all, he had failed. Miserably. Without Mooncake in tow, his demise had become a near certainty. He just had to hope that some smooth talking could get him out of this pickle. 

He walked through the imposing gates of the penal colony, acutely aware that he had zero backup. The place smelled like iron and decaying bodies--never a good sign. 

As he passed the prison yard, Avocato nearly retched. It was a scene of catastrophe. Bodies were piled up helter skelter in corners of the yard. The inmates had been stripped of their clothes, and the stench was overwhelming. It looked like a scene ripped straight from a Hieronymus Botsch hellscape. 

He wanted to look away, but he had to visually peruse the piles, just in case his son was...there. Was Little Cato even alive? The Ventrexian couldn’t look anymore--he refused to entertain the possibility that his son could be in those piles. Avocato pushed on. 

Ten minutes later, Avocato found the Lord Commander deep within the ‘deserted’ prison. 

The Lord Commander had been sitting in a high-backed chair, so that he could slowly turn around. He always did like dramatic flair--

“I’ve been expecting you.” 

Avocato bowed deeply. It was over the top, but flattery had worked in the past. “I am here.” 

“So… You came here alone, without my weapon. I am...displeased,” the Lord Commander said. “I upheld my bargain. Your son is with us right now! So… tell me. Where is E-351?” 

Little Cato was suspended from the ceiling, desperately trying to escape from the magnetic cuffs that were anchoring him in place. “Dad, please! Run-” 

“Quiet,” the Lord Commander snapped. 

An electric pulse coursed through Little Cato’s cuffs, and he let out a barely-suppressed scream. 

“I don’t have it,” Avocato said, fighting back a wave of visceral terror. “But I know the man who does.” 

The Lord Commander flicked his wrist, and the Ventrexian was slammed to the floor. He gasped, the wind blown out of his lungs. 

“That’s not good enough,” he hissed. 

Avocato’s body was lifted high into the air, and then the psionic pressure began to slowly fold him backwards. His spine was going to snap-

With another lazy hand motion, the Lord Commander threw him through a table. Three of Avocato’s ribs broke unceremoniously. 

“Death is too good for you, _Grand Admiral_.” 

The Lord Commander spat on him. “Now I’m going to torture you. Slowly. But guess what?” 

Avocato groaned and tried to get up, but a crushing wall of force slammed into him. 

“Your son will get to watch... As I snap your puny little mind like a stale breadstick.” 

A wave of psionic force ripped at Avocato’s consciousness. If he had been forced to describe the sensation, he’d say that it felt like a series of hot pokers branding his body. Little Cato screamed. 

The war for Avocato’s mind had begun. 

* * *

Gary, Silvana, Mooncake and KVN arrived at the penal colony twenty-seven minutes later. They landed without incident, but the Galaxy One was no more--bits and pieces of the ship were scattered all across Zekatron Prime. 

“So, gameplan,” Silvana said. “We go in guns blazing. I’ll deal with the security forces. You, Mooncake and KVN--go find the Catos.”

Gary nodded. “It’s time to kick some ass.” 

The doors of the penal colony exploded inwards as they charged. KVN fired two pistols at once, screeching ‘get some, get some!’

Gary unloaded a clip of laser rifle fire, and then--

“It’s abandoned,” Silvana said. “Hold your fire.” 

Gary sniffed the air. “It smells like iron shavings and… something nastier.” 

“Gary, there’s a LOT of blood on the ground,” KVN said. “As your insanity avoidance companion, I hafta say--do we really need to keep going?” 

“Absolutely.” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said. The blob was trembling. The Lord Commander was close--it could sense him.

Silvana was on her guard too, with a form that had become so opaque that she looked like an ordinary, if somewhat nude, woman. “I thought we’d be able to rescue some people--my people--from this place. But… I have a feeling that the Lord Commander isn’t taking any prisoners.” 

“ _CORRECT,_ ” a voice boomed. The Lord Commander stepped out of the shadows. Avocato and Little Cato were flanking him, their eyes glowing ominously. “Thank you for delivering E-351 to me.” 

“What’d you do to them?” Gary said. “Why are they floating? What-” 

“Kill the moron,” the Lord Commander hissed. 

Avocato charged, his claws outstretched. 

If HUE had not given Gary a ‘tune up’ after his experience on the crush couch, he would have been dead in moments. However, HUE had administered military-grade neurochems to Gary’s brain during his convalescence. Martial arts is all about muscle memory, and implanted muscle memory works as well as the real deal. It is an ersatz replacement for actual martial arts training, but it works in a pinch. 

Gary sidestepped, simultaneously striking at Avocato’s face with a palm strike. The blow landed, and Avocato hissed like a cat that had been sprayed with a hose. 

“Neurochems?” the possessed Ventrexian muttered. “Unexpected… but-” 

Avocato slipped through a series of punches, feinted once, and followed up with a roundhouse kick that would have snapped Gary’s neck-

At the last second, KVN leapt in front of the blow. Avocato screeched--it had been like kicking a pole. 

Little Cato flipped through the air and gouged Gary’s face. Moving on instinct, Gary grabbed the adolescent’s hands and threw him to the ground, knocking the air out of Little Cato’s lungs. The younger Ventrexian was out of the fight, if only for a moment. 

“Snap out of it man!” Gary screamed. 

“He’s not home,” the possessed Avocato chortled. 

Mooncake screamed, blasting a laser right at the Lord Commander’s face. 

The Lord Commander’s eyes glowed red for a moment, and the laser was nullified. Their duel had begun. 

Silvana tried to stab the Lord Commander from behind, but she was instantly whisked away with a single gesture. 

“He’s stronger than any psionic being I’ve ever fought,” she said weakly. Her form was barely holding together-

“Fix Avocato then!” Gary yelled.

Avocato took advantage of the moment to break Gary’s nose. 

“Gaahhh, bad kitty-” 

“Just stay conscious a bit longer!” Silvana said, waving her ghostly arms in a complex pattern. 

Gary wasn’t able to respond. He had to spend all of his attention on staying alive, because Avocato was simply a better fighter. If Avocato hadn’t been injured earlier, Gary would have already been turned into Meow Mix. Still, he wasn't in good shape either. Little Cato's claws had torn through his left eyelid, and he was bleeding profusely from the gouges on the left side of his face. Gary had two black eyes from the emergency thrust sequence on board the Galaxy-One, and now his left eye was temporarily blinded by the blood streaming into it. 

Sensing his weakness, Avocato lunged forward to deliver the killing blow-

A pulse of indigo-colored gas wrapped around Avocato and Gary’s head. Before they could react, the gas began to glow, and they fell to the ground like a pair of puppets that had their strings cut. 

“It’s up to you now,” Silvana said, though she knew Gary wouldn’t be able to hear him. Most of his consciousness had been transferred to Avocato’s brain as a last ditch effort to break whatever hold the Lord Commander had on Avocato. 

“Now we just have to deal with this guy,” KVN said. His robot arms had Little Cato pinned to the ground. Whenever the Ventrexian tried to break the hold, he’d just taze him. “I don’t know if tazing someone this many times is healthy.” 

“It’s not.” 

“Righto,” KVN said. “Zap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. Now Mooncake and the LC are locked in a duel, and Gary is in Avocato's mind. I've been planning for this to happen for a while, and I'm finally getting to the spiciest parts of my outline! 
> 
> As usual, feedback is appreciated--especially regarding my OC character. I'd thought of making her gender-fluid, but, y'know. She's a gas.


	13. The Lazarus Trap

One moment, he was locked in a life-or-death struggle with Avocato. The next, he felt his consciousness slip out of his battered body. He did not feel any pain, as his consciousness was no longer connected to his own nerve endings. Gary’s mind was shoved unceremoniously into Avocato’s head. He fell into the void. 

Back when Gary was eight years old, he had palmed through a book full of M.C. Escher’s prints. He imagined what it would be like to live within a world that didn’t make sense, where reality itself could bend in ways that the mind could not comprehend. What he saw reminded him of that daydream. 

Gary fell towards a city that emerged out of the void. Buildings were sprouting from an enormous Mobius strip shaped world. Bits and pieces of the vast city shifted like the moving parts of a clockwork wristwatch. For a fleeting instant, he remembered those Escher prints he had seen back in his childhood-

“Why are buildings in mindfuck-cities always beige?” Gary cried, before landing face-first on a patch of concrete. The impact of his landing created ripples that shifted the perspective of the world around him, instead of turning him into a Gary-sized puddle. 

He blinked twice, but it did not help with the confusing nature of Avocato’s mindscape. Besides, he could see right through his eyelids. Wack. 

“Avocatoooo!” Gary yelled. 

The buildings surrounding him rustled like leaves, shifting and stretching through the air like palm trees under gale-force winds. 

“I know you’re out there,” Gary said. “C’mere, kitty-” 

Gravity flipped, and Gary was smacked right into an archway. 

“Alright, damn! I guess you don’t like being called that,” Gary said. “But what if...” 

Lazarus Traps work by shifting the reality of the affected victim. The victim’s own brain provides the entertainment--the subconscious comes to life and interacts with the conscious mind, and the results are never pretty. 

When another person joins the Lazarus Trap, they can impose their own reality-bending rules to the trap. It throws the entire mind-universe out of whack, and suddenly new rules apply on top of the old ones. 

“What if I had a laser pointer?” Gary said. 

A brick fell off a pillar, and suddenly Gary had a laser pointer. 

“My neighbor’s cat loved this thing. It’d chase it for ages,” Gary said. “What if Avocato saw this laser, and then he just...follows the dot back to me?” 

This, of course, was an utterly moronic plan that made zero sense… which is why it made perfect sense. Gary had just made up his own rule. 

* * *

Avocato had been staring at the reflecting pool of his mind palace on the other side of his mobius-strip mind city. He had been there for quite some time. The Reflecting Pool of his mindscape had several channels, and all of them were bundled into his premium mind-torture package. 

Avocato could see a millisecond-by-millisecond recreation of that time he had betrayed Gary, along with a smug commentary breaking down everything he did wrong in those moments. 

“See that?” the Reflecting Pool had said, after five or so hours of ‘reflection.’ “That’s the exact moment that you ripped his heart out. Oooh, let’s rewind--” 

“Please, show me anything else,” Avocato had said. 

So the Reflecting Pool made him relive every nasty moment of his life in excruciating detail. The worst part? Every time you revisit a memory, the memory itself changes. Therapists take advantage of this fact to help patients who have undergone traumatic experiences. Revisit a memory enough times, and the patient can come to terms with their trauma, or come up with a different version of their own story. 

The Reflecting Pool adjusted the memories just a little bit with each re-watch, so Avocato’s traumatic experiences were essentially amplified. That is the subtle art of mind-flaying. Each minute of the experience in real time lasts around a day in the mind. It had been 27 minutes since Avocato had begun his torture in real time, but 27 days had elapsed in mind-flaying time. 

Every time Avocato tried to move away from the pool, the labyrinthine halls of his mindscape led him inexorably back. Escape was impossible, and looking away from the pool was impossible. Even closing his eyes did not stop the visions, because he could see through his eyelids here. 

“Let’s take another moment to reflect,” the Reflecting Pool said, for what had to be the seven thousandth time. “Do you want to watch a memory from the ‘Disappointed Son’ collection, vignettes from the ‘Genocidal Asshole’ reel, or--” 

“Fuck off,” Avocato said. 

“Allllllrightttttt then,” the Reflecting Pool said. The pool began to shimmer, a scene emerging out of its depths. Little Cato was in it, so it was bound to be a doozy of a memory. 

And then there was a red dot. It trailed out of the water. Where had it come from? Where was it going? What did it mean? 

Avocato was sure that the dot was leading him somewhere. The red spot began to move, and Avocato followed it. It felt… It felt familiar. He began to follow it into the labyrinth of his mind palace. 

Back in Ancient Greece, Theseus had been in a pickle. Theseus had to go into the maze to slay the Minotaur for this dickhead king, and every other man before him had perished within the confusing confines of the maze. Luckily, the King's daughter daughter Ariadne thought that Theseus was nice tall glass of hotness. Theseus was given a big ball of red yarn by Ariadne, and this yarn allowed Theseus to successfully navigate through the impossibly confusing maze.

Gary was no Ariadne, but his laser dot was doing the trick. Simply put, it was leading Avocato out of his own subconscious. He believed that the dot would show him the way, and it did. The laser dashed across rooms, over traps, around gravity-defying stairs--it was difficult to keep up, but Avocato did not run out of breath. 

Just as Avocato expected to run straight back into the godforsaken reflecting pool, he ran into Gary. Literally. 

“Oof,” Gary said. He had been bowled over by Avocato, and he was now staring up at him. “Hey, man.” 

“Wait, you can’t-” Avocato stammered. “You can’t be real. You’re going to torture me, aren’t you-mmph!” 

Gary interrupted him with a drawn out kiss. It was desperate--the kiss of a man who had sacrificed everything. That kiss proved that near death experiences are a powerful aphrodisiac.

“Dude, you’re killing me,” Gary said. 

“You too. Damn, that was… That was one hell of a kiss. Even if you are just a hallucination.” 

“No, I mean you’re literally killing me out there. You’ve got a pretty mean right hook, and the claws are no picnic either...” 

Avocato blinked. This hallucination wasn’t torturing him, and the Gary he had in front of him didn’t make much sense-

“And seriously, KVN actually saved me from you a moment ago! So that was _great_. Then I told Silvana to stop you from killing me, and here I am!” 

“Silvana?” 

“Y’know. That giant purple fart that you threw at us when you _left_ ,” Gary snapped. “Which was kind of a dick move, man!” 

“So you’re not just a figment of my imagination? You’re really here?” 

Gary put his arm on Avocato’s shoulder. “I came for you.” 

“How-” 

“I’d travel across the galaxy for you,” Gary murmured.

“Goddamn,” Avocato breathed. “That’s...Wow.” 

“But seriously, we really have to get out of here,” Gary said. “I’m pretty sure I can’t stay out of my body for long.” 

“Right. So, what’s your plan?” Avocato said. 

“Pretty simple,” Gary said. 

Minds are like car engines or computers. Most of the time, it’s a terrible idea, but percussive maintenance can fix a problem in a jiffy. 

Gary punched Avocato in the face, and the Lazarus Trap began to fall apart. The Mobius strip city crumbled in enormous chunks. Giant gears fell from the sky and tore through archways and winding pathways. The Reflecting Pool exploded. It began to rain as a shower of little droplets from the Reflecting Pool fell on the unstable ground. Beautiful gardens began to sprout from the beige dust. 

Gary and Avocato watched as the Lazarus Trap melt away. 

“Damn, that’s a real trip,” Gary said. “I wonder if my brain is that complicated.” 

“I’m sure it is,” Avocato said, leaning in closer. “Thank you, Gary.” 

The Ventrexian pulled him into a hug, then punted Gary out of his mind. It was time to face reality. 

**Back to Reality**

The first thing Gary felt were waves of pain. Gary hadn’t realized just how battered he was until he’d temporarily left his body behind and returned. He had two black eyes, several broken ribs, an array of random bruises and three large gouges across the left side of his face. Worse still, he could feel all of it. Worse still, his arms- 

“Wakey wakey!” KVN said, slapping him across the face. Hard. With his stupid metal hands.

Gary punched him, cutting up his knuckles in the process. “You’re the absolute worst, KVN.” 

“Welcome back, baby,” Avocato said. 

“Wait, the battle-” 

“Still happening!” KVN said. 

Indeed it was. Mooncake and the Lord Commander were engaged in a battle to the death--nearly unlimited psionic power versus planet-destroying brawn. Who would win? 

The result was unclear, as both of them were holding their own. Mooncake’s laser blasts were matching the intensity of the Lord Commander’s attacks, and they were only getting stronger. Instead of standing still, the Lord Commander was flipping around like an acrobat, moving his own body around like a ragdoll in order to get away from the bursts of energy. He was pulling pillars down on Mooncake, and-

The prison was collapsing. A girder landed on Silvana. She reformed, but the danger was clear. 

“We have to get out of here!” Avocato screamed. He threw his unconscious son on his back like a sack of potatoes. “Gary, get up. We have to go.” 

“Righto,” Gary said. “Anywhere but here is good.” 

They ran for it. Mooncake kept blasting away at the Lord Commander, intent on keeping him away from the rest of the crew. 

To Gary’s credit, he nearly made it out of the building before disaster struck. He was in the hell-scape of a prison yard when he tripped over a corpse, and then a wall tipped over on him. Gary screamed. The giant stone wall had simply obliterated his tibia and fibula, and had also crushed part of his femur. 

“MY LEGS,” he screamed. “OH MOTHER OF MERCY-” 

Avocato didn’t hesitate. He fired up a plasma beam and cut off the rest of Gary’s crushed legs, cauterizing the wound in the process. 

Gary blacked out from the pain. Silvana grabbed Gary and pulled him out of the building as it collapsed behind them. 

“We need a ship,” Silvana said. 

“What do you mean by that?!” Avocato said. “What about the Galaxy One?” 

“Gone,” Silvana said. 

“To the shipyard, then?” Avocato said, breathing heavily. His son was heavier than he remembered. 

A shipyard was a kilometer away from the prison. Prisoners from the penal colony toiled there to earn their rations, creating fabulous spaceships in the process. Of course, these fabulous spaceships sometimes had a few crucial parts missing, thanks to the more rebellious prisoners. The saboteurs among them were swiftly flushed out, thanks to a system where prisoners could report on other prisoners in exchange for favors from the warden. Either way, the bottom line is that the prisoners built some good ships...eventually. 

Avocato, KVN and Silvana ran for the shipyard. The ground was beginning to tremble under their feet. Swathes of green energy melted through the prison behind them. Mooncake was beginning to earn his keep as a planet-destroyer. 

“KVN, go find us a ship,” Silvana said. Gary nearly tumbled from her hands. It was getting difficult for her to speak and carry Gary at the same time. 

“What about that one?” KVN said. “750 metres away.” 

KVN led them towards the _D.S.C. Horus_ \--a retrofitted intergalactic shuttle with enough thrusters to turn a desert into glass. 

Avocato grunted, as if to say ‘ _that’ll do.’_

“I’m going to just install HUE now,” KVN said. 

“I can’t believe that you’re being so useful,” Avocato said. 

“I’m Gary’s insanity avoidance companion! I have to be helpful,” the bot said. “Toodles.” 

Silvana and Avocato barely made it to the _D.S.C. Horus_ with their unconscious cargo before the ground began to crack apart. If KVN hadn’t installed the AI before they arrived--

[Welcome to the _D.S.C. Horus_ ] HUE said. [Where to?]

“Anywhere but here,” Avocato said. 

[New subsystem online. Inertial dampers activated.] HUE said. [Anywhere but here is a wise choice.]

This ship was certainly state of the art--inertial dampers had only been invented a few years ago, and most ships did not have the requisite reactor power to use them. The _Horus_ ’s thrusters blasted them off of Zekatron Prime as the planet crumbled around them.

“Mooncake,” Avocato said. “Mooncake is still down there.” 

[And Gary has no legs.] 

“Yeah… About that,” Silvana said. “Can you take him to the medbay? I don’t think I can carry him any longer.” 

Avocato laid his son down gently on the nearest couch and carried Gary to the medbay, even though his lungs felt like someone had poured molten lead down them. It was the least he could do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the crew has a new ship. I have a drawing of the new ship, it is not lifted from anywhere. It's 100% OC content. The windows are much larger than you'd expect in terms of scale, so it's actually quite a big ship. 
> 
> As usual, all of your feedback/comments are appreciated. Thanks for your support guys :)


	14. A Prior Engagement

Little Cato was having a rough day. His dad had shown up to ‘bring your hostage to work day,’ and then he’d been mind flayed for a while, and after that… After that he couldn’t remember dick all. 

He woke up on a strange ship, on a disturbingly soft couch. After a month and a half of sleeping on the floor, it may as well have been like sleeping on a cloud. 

“Little Cato? Please… Please wake up.” 

“Dad?” 

His dad looked like shit. He was covered in gashes that had barely scabbed over. Hunks of his fur was covered in blood. One of his eyes had swollen shut, and his nose looked like it had been broken. Still--he was alive, so…

“Please tell me you’re real,” Little Cato said. 

“I’m here,” Avocato said. 

Little Cato leapt into a hug, making his dad wince. 

“So… How did we get out of there?” Little Cato said. “I thought we were dead for sure-” 

“Uhm. Yeah. So, about that...” 

Little Cato noticed that his dad was  _ blushing. _ And why was he stammering? Did he have brain damage? 

“It’s...a really long story.”

“Maybe just the broad strokes, then?” 

“Well, remember that specimen I was supposed to capture?” 

“Yeah?” 

“The mission didn’t go so well,” Avocato said. “I tried to hijack a prison barge to get that specimen, but then I became a prisoner, and Gary-” 

Little Cato’s eyes widened. There was that blush again. 

“And Gary what?” 

“I thought I’d lose you. Gary promised me that he’d help save you,” Avocato said. 

Little Cato knew his father well enough to know there were some missing chunks in the story. When it came to lying to the Lord Commander, his dad was a savant. When it came to lying to him, well… He sucked at it. 

“Just like that?” 

“Just like that,” Avocato echoed. 

“What’d he do that for?” 

“I have no idea.” 

That wasn’t a lie. His dad seriously had no idea. 

“Mmm,” Little Cato said. “So, what happened after that?” 

“Eventually, the prison barge’s AI figured out who I was and tried to have me arrested,” Avocato said. 

[Sorry about that] a voice said. 

“Hold on,” Little Cato said. “Are you saying that we’re on a ship with the same AI who tried to arrest you?” 

[Correct. My name is HUE, by the way.]

His dad stood up and began to slowly pace around the room. Little Cato had no idea how he managed to get this ship, but they were currently in some kind of common room area. Behind the couches and the table was an enormous window looking out into space. There were even pool tables and a fully stocked bar--one that Little Cato made a mental note to check out in the near future. 

“As I said, it’s a long story.” 

His dad had also noticed the bar. He took a moment to pour out a whiskey on the rocks. 

“Do I get to have one?” Little Cato said. 

“Nope.” 

Little Cato shrugged. It had been worth a shot. “So, you were arrested?” 

“Also nope. I escaped before HUE was able to turn me in,” Avocato said. He took a long draught from his whiskey, then held the cold glass against his forehead. “It was a mess.” 

“How’d you get away?” 

[He stole one of our shuttles after nearly killing everyone on board with a living weapon] HUE said dryly. [It is a good thing that Gary makes friends easily.]

“Who’s Gary?” Little Cato said. Maybe the AI would give him a clearer answer. 

[Gary was once my prisoner, but he is now the captain of this ship. He is also engaged to your father.]

His dad choked on his whiskey. 

“ _ What?! _ ” 

“HUE, what the hell!” Avocato sputtered. “I mean-” 

[You never told me that was classified information] HUE said smugly. [And even if you had, I have no reason to keep your secrets.] 

Little Cato blinked. “You leave for a week and you get engaged?” 

[Oh, he hugged it out with Gary… 17 hours and 38 minutes after he met him.] HUE said. 

“ _ What. _ ”

“Keep this up and I’ll throw your circuits in a deep fat fryer,” Avocato snapped. 

“Wow, that actually happened?” Little Cato said. “Was this, like, a prison situation or something?” 

Avocato poured more whiskey into his glass. He had a feeling he was going to need it. “Um, I don’t really know how it happened. He was just...Really disarming.” 

“Wow. Uh, I don’t really know what to say.” 

His dad drank the rest of the whiskey in his glass. 

“Look, I don’t judge,” Little Cato said. “I just didn’t know you swung that way.”

[If it makes you feel any better, Gary sacrificed everything to get you back,] HUE said. [Even after your father betrayed him and left him for dead-]

“Shut up.” 

[He still came for you, didn’t he? He gave up his ship to get to Zekatron Prime, even though it was his home-]

“Please,” Avocato said. “I’m begging you to shut up.” 

[Even after you nearly killed him on Zekatron Prime, Gary never gave up on you or your son.] 

Little Cato had never seen his father look like this. He decided to keep his mouth shut. He’d get back into the loop eventually. 

[And now that Gary’s legs are gone, you have not visited him in the medbay. He has been awake for hours, you know.] 

“It’s my fault,” Avocato said. “How can I look him in the eyes after this? How can-” 

“Dad. You’ve got to see him.” 

Avocato sighed. 

“Maybe take a mint before you go,” Little Cato said. “Or have a shower or something. You look like crap.” 

“You’re really okay with this?” his dad said. 

“HUE, would we be dead without Gary’s help?” 

[Without a doubt.] 

“I’m okay with this,” Little Cato said. “If he’s super ugly, I might judge you, but-” 

“Hey!” 

“-but I just want you to be happy. And honestly? He sounds pretty cool.” 

His dad smiled. “You’re a good kid.” 

“So, uh. Let’s go meet him, I guess,” Little Cato said. “But seriously. I’m pretty nervous.” 

“I’m nervous too,” his dad said. He was blushing again. 

“I’m so nervous that I could use something to calm my nerves. Something like a stiff drink-” 

“Nope.” 

* * *

Gary was having a terrible, no good, very bad day. His legs were gone, and they were itching something terrible. HUE had informed him that ‘phantom limbs’ could do that. He didn’t want his non-legs to be haunted, but now he’d have to just deal with that on top of everything else.

The medbay was relatively small, but it was far nicer than the one on the Galaxy One. Around his bed were some empty chairs, and opposite his bed was a wall full of hydroponic plants growing within glass spheres. HUE had told him that beauty could speed up the healing process and improve long-term outcomes. Of course, plants couldn’t grow back his legs. He’d asked. 

[Gary, you have guests.] 

“If it’s KVN again, I will be  _ very  _ disappointed, HUE!” 

The doors hissed open, and there he was. 

“Avocato,” he breathed. “You’re back.” 

Avocato looked like he’d walked through hell with a hangover. Gary was pretty sure he also looked like death warmed over in an off-brand microwave, so he decided not to judge. 

“Is your son alright?” he murmured. 

A smaller Ventrexian stepped out behind Avocato. He looked less murder-y than when Gary had first met him. Thank fuck. 

“Yeah,” the tabby-cat said. “Thanks for saving me... Or whatever.”

“Oh, hey,” Gary said. “Glad to see you’re not evil anymore.” 

Little Cato didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he decided to change the topic. “So...How’d you get those cuts on your face?” 

“You gave ‘em to me,” Gary said. 

“Oh. Uh… Sorry?” 

“I think they look kinda cool, actually,” Gary said. 

“Wait, I didn’t cut your legs off too, did I?” Little Cato said. “I don’t remember what I did back there, so-” 

Avocato winced. “That was me.” 

For a moment, the medbay was silent. Gary didn’t know what to say, and the Catos weren’t doing well in the small-talk department. He decided to take a long sip of water to avoid speaking. 

“So…” Little Cato finally said, as Gary was mid-sip. “I heard you’re engaged to my dad.” 

Gary choked on his water. “What? When’d we get engaged? I don’t remember that-” 

Avocato looked like he’d been slapped. Gary wondered if he’d missed something important. Had he given Avocato a ring during their mind-palace adventure? He couldn’t recall anything they’d done in the past that screamed ‘engagement.’ 

Little Cato winced. He decided that discretion was the better part of valor and ran out of the room like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. 

“Gary, I…” 

“Why’d you tell your son we’re engaged?” Gary said. “We’ve kissed each other, but--” 

Avocato took his hand. “Don’t you remember? I thought my son was gone forever, and you gave me hope again, right on the floor of that crappy prison cell.” 

“That was just a hug, wasn’t it?” 

The Ventrexian slumped into his chair. 

“Of course. You didn’t know what it meant,” he said blankly. “You never had a clue.” 

“A clue about what?” 

“Why’d you do all this for me?” Avocato said. “What was it all for?” 

“I don’t know,” Gary said. “I just knew that I didn’t want to be alone. When I was with you, I wasn’t...I wasn’t lonely anymore.” 

Avocato squeezed Gary’s hand. “You’re not alone.” 

“I’m useless to you now,” Gary said. “I don’t even have legs anymore.” 

Avocato kissed him. The kiss turned into a hug--the rare kind of hug that doesn’t end because both people are too busy silently crying on each other’s shoulders to pull away. Avocato was a Ventrexian, goddamnit. He didn’t want to look weak. Gary felt the same way. 

“Gary?” 

“Yeah?” 

“How do...how do proposals work on Earth?” 

Gary thought about it for a second. “Well, one person gets down on one knee--” 

“Wow.” 

“Not like...not like that,” Gary laugh-hiccuped. “Lemme finish. One person gets down on one knee and asks the other person if they’d like to marry them. If the other person says ‘yes,’ then they each wear a ring.” 

“Oh. What does the ring do?” 

Gary thought about it. “The ring is like...it’s like a promise. The couple wear their rings, and it’s like saying--I guess it’s like showing the world that you belong with each other.” 

Avocato began to gently rock Gary back and forth. They still weren’t looking at each other’s eyes. 

“So..how do Ventrexian proposals work?” Gary said. 

“They’re pretty simple,” Avocato said. “You just hug someone. Then you make some kind of...promise. Often involving taking care of offspring.” 

“Oh.  _ Oh.  _ You mean-” 

“Yup.” 

“So when HUE told me I was ‘barrelling towards a misunderstanding-’” 

“You barrelled right into it, yeah.” 

“I should probably listen to HUE more,” Gary muttered. 

“Probably.” 

They held each other for a while. Avocato was the one to finally break from their embrace. 

“Gary, do you mind if I step out for a moment?” 

Gary blinked and rubbed his teary eyes. He instantly regretted it, as his black eyes were still tender. “Sure, man.” 

Avocato ruffled his hair awkwardly and stepped away, looking pensive as he left the medbay. 

Gary tried to wait for Avocato to come back, but he felt exhausted. He fell asleep almost instantly. 

~~~

Gary woke up a few hours later. Avocato was sitting in a chair next to his bed, reading off an e-tablet like it contained all the secrets of the universe. Avocato looked less bedraggled than when he’d seen him last. His gashes were bandaged properly, and he’d even changed his clothes. 

“Oh, hey,” he said blearily. 

“You’re awake,” Avocato said. 

“Yeah.” 

The Ventrexian swallowed. “Alright. So, I don’t really know how to do this, but here goes.” 

“Here goes what?” 

Avocato dropped down to one knee. “I thought I’d have to be the one to ask.” 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ ,” Gary breathed. 

“Before I met you, I thought I was better off alone,” Avocato said. “Before I met you, I thought that the only person I could rely on was myself.” 

“Avocato-” 

“You showed me that I was wrong. You gave up everything to help me, and I just want you to know--I just want you to know that I’d do the same for you.” 

Gary felt gayer than he’d ever been, both in the modern and Victorian sense. He tried to say something, but the words were caught in his throat. 

“Gary Goodspeed...marry me?” 

Avocato was holding a simple platinum band in his hand. It’d been fabricated in the ship’s hangar a few hours back, but Gary didn’t know that. He’d also spent a fruitful hour or so talking to HUE about the intricacies of human courting rituals. 

“Holy fuck,” Gary breathed. “You mean it?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Then yeah. Yes. Absolutely.” 

Avocato slipped the band onto Gary’s ring finger. “So I guess it’s official now.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I got my own ring,” Avocato said. “I’ll wear it. As a promise.” 

* * *

Outside of the medbay door, a small crowd had gathered. Mooncake, Silvana and Little Cato were unabashedly listening in on the proposal, in spite of HUE’s quiet protests. 

“Wow, they’re really sweet,” Silvana said wistfully. 

“Yuck,” Little Cato muttered. “Gotta say though. My dad’s got game.” 

“Chookity,” Mooncake said. 

Mooncake was pleased. He had just atomized the Lord Commander along with Zekatron Prime. More importantly, his best friend was engaged. Things couldn’t be better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of my "season one" for this fic. I'll probably write up a second "season" for this AU, concerning the Dimensional Keys, time travel, dimension-hopping, and Final Space. I just feel like this is a good ending for the work as part one of a series. Expect the first chapter of "season 2" to drop by the end of the week!
> 
> Quinn Ergon does not exist in this dimension. As a result, the equations that she scribbled on her napkin at a bar don't exist. The Lord Commander does not expand the tiny breach in spacetime caused by Mooncake's creation, because he does not have this formula.


End file.
